Performing Poetry

 Here I stand upon the stage

Helping you to turn life's page

I hope I shall be a winner

Than I can go home to dinner.

-ends-

Inside Out.comical poem by Angela Lansbury

 Today I woke up and found 

My nightdress was on inside out

Like  optical illusions where

the rooms ceiling is on the ground

How much of my life is illusion

Which I created by mistake

How quickly cn I undo that

And remove all that's odd or fake

But nobody would ever know

If I had the sense not to tell

Not lying but constantly trying

To show my best and do things well

Will everybody think I'm mad?

Check poetry to learn my secret?

Oops. Poems can reveal the truth -

Mistakes make poems! I can teach it.

-end-

Tip on editing your poetry

I usually write poetry in lines of eight syllables. I automatically write couplet. Where possible I change the rhyming scheme from ending aabb to abab. Often that is easily done with cut and past of the lines. It turns the exaggerated predictability of doggerel into the surprising creativity of poetry.

Rumania, Rumania

Hugely entertaining.

Holiday Heaven & Hell

 Animated Angela.

'How was your play performance? At the rehearsal?' Asked the lady sitting opposite me at dinner at the Writers' Holiday.

I was impressed that my reputation as an amateur actress had reached this charming stranger.

I smiled, 'How did you know I was in a play?'

'You told me. You sat next to me, at lunch time. Remember?'

'Oh, yes.' I attempted to recover. 'You look different from this angle.'

I had not looked at her face when she sat on my left at lunch time. I had been engrossed in chasing the dead fish around the plate without knocking the bread roll onto the floor, alongside the two white paper table napkins. They had floated down from my lap unassisted, like hang gliders.

The elderly gentleman, aged in his nineties sitting on my right, had a better memory than mine. He said to me, 'How is your huband? He came here with you about ten years ago.'

I gasped, 'You have a phenomenal memory. I saw him last week - and I've forgotten him already.'

The lady opposite me laughed. I focused on her face. Her name tag hanging from the conference lanyard was below the level of the table.

I asked her, 'How do you spell your name?'

'It's Sue,' she answered. 'Spelled the usual way. Ess you ee.'

'Ah yes. SUE, as in I shall sue you?'

'Yes. You are right. Although I never sue anybody.'

'No of course not. No time for that. What do you do in the day, when you are not busy, eating, fish?'

'I like to swim. In the river Derwent.'

'I swim in swimming pools.. Clear water. I Suppose the river is cheaper. Is the water clean?'

'Yes, you can see fish.'

'I can see fish now, on my plate.'

'It is very relaxing.'

'Is it deep? Do you swim under water?'

'No I never swim under water.'

'Very wise. You never know what you might see.

'I can't see you very well, because you are silhouetted against the window. You have bright white light, all around your head.

'It's my halo,' she said.

'It suits you, ' I said. 'I would like a halo. Where can I buy one.'

'Anywhere. They are not expensive.'

'Primark.'

'Probably.'

Writers' Dream comic poem number 450... by Angela Lansbury

 I dream I'll write a famous work

Best selling novel or sweet song

If I stick to the facts and truth

Add quotes and rhymes, it can't take long.

My pile of printed books is growing

At Toastmaster someone asked me

'Are you really an author, what ...'

Are your books called? Where can I see ...?

Most days nobody makes comments

I dress in bright clothes to impress

At last I've met somebody who

Make me feel my life's a success

I have fulfilled my life long dream

To see my name on a big book

Which sits unnoticed on the shelf

But's there if someone wants to look

I have kudos, I have a skill

I've copies to leave in my will

And if one day, sadly, I die

My books answer all those questions: 'Why ...?'

Why were her poems all so long?

What did she do right? Sometimes wrong?

(Change to wrongly. Edit strongly.)

Was she a man? Was there a plan?

What was she like? What did she think?

What did she eat? What did she drink?

Where did she live, and holiday?

How did she spend her nights each day?

I wish I'd met her, heard her jokes

Where can I see the words she spoke

If not on YouTube you can see

Each answer in my poetry.

-ends-

Poem completed, adding to a single verse, another last six verses added on October 3rd 2026.

Make me feel my life is a success, was nine syllables. So I changed it to 'my life's a' to make the length of the line match the other..

I changed how did she spend her night each day, which is a jarring contradiction, to the even more glaring nonsense, and therefore more humorous, absurdity, how did she spend her nights each day.

I looked at the apostrophe in the title. I thought about changing the apostrophe to imply the dream of this one writer. But the plural makes it more universal, my dream, or goal in writing, shared by all writers.

Copyright Angela Lansbury.

Inspired by the moment in the Humorous speech contest at HOD Speakers' annual Humorous Speech contest, followed by the impromptu speech contest called Table Topics. While the ballots were being counted, the contest chair interviewed all the candidates, just two of us. If you'd like to come along to HOD Speakers, the group meets in South Harrow Baptist Church, which is a two minute walk from South Harrow train station, and the bus stop for the H14, red double decker bus, which stops at Hatch End, Pinner and Rayners Lane.

Mixed mother's metaphors

 I'm ringing to say you're invited to dinner, and my son will pick you up in his car after work. He said he would phone you, but I thought I would phone, because waiting for him to phone is like waiting for the Messiah to come.

Thanks to Shoshanna for this phrase.

Of course, it is the metaphor which is mixed, not the mother.

This will only be a mixed meatphor if we add another metaphor to the mix.

Polyglots - is it all Greek to you? What the French say!

The phrase, it's all Greek to me, meaning I cannot understand it, is a modernized, slightly changed version of a phrase in William Shakespeare's play, The Tragedy of Julius Caesar.

What do the Greeks say? They say it's Chinese. That's what many other languages say.

In Europe the squat toilets are out of fashion. Some countries call them French toilets. The French call them Turkish toilets.

Eyelet fabric used to be known by the French term, broderie Anglaise.

In England we used to call sliding patio doors, French windows. The French called them English windows.

In England we talk of Danish pastries. French speaking countries call them Viennoise. 

In England we have French dressing, and French letters.

 Useful Website

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greek_to_me